What Schools Can Learn from Netflix’s Sex Education
I cringed as I devoured the latest season of Netflix’s Sex Education. Sure, I have a soft spot for Maeve and Otis as well as an obsessive desire to live in Dr. Millburn’s idyllic house, but more than anything, I was fascinated by its honest and heart-wrenching portrayal of shame, pride, and identity in schools.
In short, Hope Haddon has been hired as the new Head Teacher to turn around Moordale. The school has been deemed a “sex school,” and she has been charged with restoring its reputation. She enters the scene by dancing on stage in a school assembly, appearing to be young, hip, and fun. She passionately explains that she is a proud Moordale alumna, and she is committed to its success:
“Which is why it’s been so hurtful to read some of the horrible things written about Moordale in the press. I don’t know what went wrong or how we ended up here, but I do know it changes today. I can promise you this. If you work hard and you take pride in your school, I will get Moordale and your futures back on track.”
A few episodes later, it is abundantly clear that her dance was a facade--she is a wolf in chic clothes. Her approach to getting Moordale “back on track” is to seize control through oppressive tactics. She enacts a strict uniform policy, which extends well beyond clothes dictating students’ hairstyles and banning LGBTQ pins. She posts her new values for the school everywhere. She paints over lockers and graffiti walls, replacing bright artistic expression with dull monochromic slates. She even goes as far as to bulldoze the one private space on campus, an old building that served as a sanctuary for students and staff who needed a moment of privacy.
She doesn’t stop there. She replaces their sex education class with a horrific homophobic, fear-based abstinence-only curriculum. She berates non-binary students. She patronizes all of the teachers, lecturing them into silence at a tense faculty meeting. She publicly humiliates three students in front of all of their peers at an assembly, making them wear derogatory signs for a week. She admits to using a Head Student to advance her own agenda without valuing this student’s perspective at all. And, in an atrocious final scene, she even locks an outspoken student in a classroom.
She is a monster.
Later we learn more about her. She is under a great deal of pressure from funders and board members to change the school, and we also discover that she is facing significant fertility challenges.
She still remains a monster.
And while she is a Netflix character, she epitomizes the tensions in school leadership today. She tries to create and uphold false dichotomies: pride versus shame; control versus inclusion; achievement versus belonging. Her equation is simple: if you work hard and meet her high expectations, then you will achieve greatness and pride. Conform and you will succeed. This is a familiar formula. Trust me, for years as a principal, I wore a sweatshirt that read: Work Hard; Get Smart.
Spoiler alert: This does not end well for her, and it does not work for our schools.
3 Key Lessons that Sex Education teaches school leaders:
Relationships Matter: In this show, we witness a leader underestimate the very thing that ultimately destroys her: people. From the start, she talks down to teachers and students, spending very little time getting to know anyone. She sees people for how they can help her--not for who they are. She refuses to meet with students to hear their ideas and concerns. She tries to wield her top-down authority, but it constantly backfires on her because there is no trust, connection, or buy-in. She is shooting with a blank weapon. For example, she demands that the Head Student, Vivienne, spy on the other students during the field trip to France, but Vivienne would rather lie and risk her own academic future than betray her classmates.
My former boss and lifelong mentor always reminds me: Culture eats academics for breakfast. She taught me that the strength of a school is in how its people treat each other: adult-adult; adult-student; student-student. And while Hope herself does not form any bonds, this show demonstrates this power of relationships. The students become so close and unified against her and her new regime that they pull off a dramatic upheaval getting her fired and putting the entire school in jeopardy.
Takeaway: While this over-the-top final scene is made for TV, it is a powerful reminder that school leaders should invest their time building affirming relationships with staff, students, and families; if you want to change a school’s culture, you have to start by building a new one with everyone--not bulldozing or repainting it onto them.
Empathy kills shame: Hope believes that she can leverage shame to change other people’s behavior. Wear this derogatory sign, and you will never break a rule again. There is an insightful exchange between the two Head Students, Vivienne and Jackson, about it.
Viv: Because when shame is used as a weapon, it doesn’t just hurt people--it can damage them forever.
Jackson: But the opposite of shame is pride.
At this point Jackson sees the world as Hope does, but as the season unfolds, Jackson learns these are false opposites. The famous researcher and practitioner, Dr. Brené Brown has proven that the best cure for shame is actually empathy. She describes it this way: if you put shame in a petri dish and douse it with secrecy and judgement, it will just keep growing. If you give it empathy, it will stop. This show nails this concept. Otis is an excellent therapist because he listens and allows people to name their deepest, most shameful secrets. Once they can say it aloud and feel heard without judgement, they are able to start to move on. Similarly, this show captures how beautiful friendships and relationships blossom when the two characters involved truly open up to each other whether it’s Eric and Adam; Jackson and Cal; Ola and Lily; or Maeve and Aimee. They thrive and grow when they pause and listen to each other--not when they just work harder at swimming or pretend not to care about aliens.
Takeaway: School leaders can learn from these incredibly open and trusting teenagers. If we want our schools to be places of pride and well-being, then we need to get rid of the disciplinary practices rooted in shame. If we want to squash shame, then we need to lead with empathy and encourage it from those around us. Listening will do far more than any strict punishment.
3. Belonging over Conformity: My favorite line in this series occurs between Hope and Cal, a non-binary black student. They are having a verbal altercation in the hallway because Hope is policing Cal’s body, and Cal responds: “Is there too much power in multiple otherness for you?” Hope is stunned because she is clinging to conformity. She truly believes that if everyone wears the same uniform, then it will give the appearance of order, which will ultimately lead to success. From Maeve’s hair to Cal’s loose pants, Hope wants to control their bodies akin to Giulani’s broken windows approach of the New York City 90’s. She cannot fathom why students cannot just choose a gender or why an LGBQT pin carries significance because for her, life is about control and individual achievement--not identity and inclusion. She is obsessed with results and appearances so much that she cannot see the students in front of her. She cannot accept them because she needs to force them to fit into her formula. There is no belonging in this world: there is only compliance.
Takeaway: While this show highlights some extreme interactions and circumstances, educators see these same patterns play out in schools throughout our country today. Many students only feel comfortable revealing the parts of their identity that fit with the normed expectations of their school and they feel forced to suppress the rest of their true selves. School leaders can buck this trend by valuing identity and belonging over compliance and conformity through their words, actions, practices, and systems. It can be as simple as allowing students to wear their hair in high pigtails or letting them publish provocative creative stories or as complex as creating safe opportunities for students to explore and learn the multi-facets of their identities together. Ultimately, our job as school leaders is to create the conditions so that every student is honored and valued, not just the ones that make us look good.
Sex Education has all the key ingredients for excellent television: stellar cast, fabulous soundtrack, engaging storylines, witty dialogue and provocative scenes. But even more, it has all the key ingredients for excellent schools: relationships, empathy, and belonging.
